Delphine wasn't asleep. There was no way she could sleep.
My body...my decision...
The words reverberated through her skull louder than a jet as she laid in the silence, just letting the words wash over her. Of course Cosima was upset. She knew she would be. From the moment Scott told her the source of the treatment, she knew for certain two things. Cosima would refuse treatment, and she would be furious. The second was inevitable, but the first was not. No, Delphine couldn't allow Cosima to die. Even if the woman hated her for the rest of her life, she wouldn't let the opportunity go by.
No. She would take an upset Cosima over a dead one. Just the thought of life without Cosima in the world was unbearable. So instead, she let the silence wash over her. Silence and screamed words that echoed in her ear.
When the silence was broken by the sound of her apartment door opening, she knew there were only 3 possibilities. One was that Dyad was coming for her. She imagined Cosima burning the place to the ground, and a smiled momentarily tugged at her face at the thought. They would come for her because her job was now null and void. Without Cosima, she had no purpose or any will to continue her research.
The second possibility was that someone was breaking in, but considering that she heard no forced attempts at entering or any ransacking of her things, that left her with option three which was the most terrifying of all the options.
A soft clinking of bracelets confirmed her suspicions. When Delphine opened her eyes and looked up, option three was leaning against the doorframe of her bedroom, staring. Delphine sat up and moved to the edge of the bed but stayed seated, just so the woman knew she was awake without having to say anything.
The silence with Cosima in the room, it was a million times worse than her own mind torturing her with the words that were yelled at her earlier. As every second passed without words, it was like a sword going deeper and deeper into her chest. She was having trouble breathing, and her eyes were clouding over with tears. She watched as Cosima slid out of her jacket and moved to the bed.
This close she could smell the woman's perfume. She could smell the faint scent of chemicals from the lab, and the smell of pot. If she were in the position to say anything, she would chastise the woman for smoking in her condition. But she wasn't in that position.
She could see the brunette shaking. She wanted to reach out, to offer comfort, to pull her close and tell her she would never hurt her again. Instead she just put her head down in surrender. She expected the slap to come, or the yelling, anything. She expected the woman to rip out her broken and bruised heart and leave it on the nightstand.
She didn't expect the woman to come into her space, fitting herself between her knees and the fingers that thread through her hair. She didn't resist the finger that curled under her chin, forcing her eyes up.
"Just...tell me why." There was a soft shake in the woman's voice. "Why do you keep destroying my trust in you?"
That was the question wasn't it? Delphine felt the tears now. She knew the answer, but this wasn't the time. It wasn't the time, but it was the answer, and it was the only one she had. She didn't want to taint the words, but she didn't want to lie anymore. She reached up and pressed the woman's palm to her cheek, seeking warmth to combat the chill their distance caused. "I told you I would do anything. I could not live with the thought of losing you, even if you left me." She shook her head, looking up into dark eyes, the shadows of the room hiding any recognizable emotion on the woman's face. "I love you too much to even imagine a world without you in it."
Delphine looked down, because she anticipated the woman leaving. She waited for the warmth to disappear and the door to slam, but it never happened. Instead she found her cheek pressed against the woman's stomach and she risked wrapping her arms around the frail body. As she was not pushed away, she couldn't stop the tears. She couldn't stop the emotional sobs that ripped from her very soul as hands ran through her hair, hugging her close.
She didn't know how long they stayed that way, but it was enough to mentally exhaust her. She didn't want to think anymore. She leaned back to look up at Cosima and immediately found her lips captured in a bruising kiss. She didn't resist. She didn't want to resist. There was so much to discuss, but she couldn't take it. She didn't fight the tongue that demanded entrance or the hands that were removing her sleeping clothes.
Shoes were tossed aside with clothes and Delphine was pressed backwards. There was none of the playful foreplay that she was used to from the woman. There was no cute laughter or sensual touches. There was no teasing promises or threats, just fingers taking everything Delphine had to offer. She knew there would be bruises from the rough hands that squeezed at her breasts and the hips that pressed against her core more forcefully than she was used to. Fingers slipped into her and her moan was swallowed by the demanding lips.
When her body was shaking from the attention and she was pushed over the edge, Cosima did not stop. There was no break of sweet kisses and murmured words of reassurance. Instead her thighs were pushed further apart as the woman slid down her body, taking possession of her body with an unstopping tongue and demanding fingers.
It wasn't long before she found herself toppling over the edge once more. When the woman made no sign of relenting, Delphine used the last of her strength to pull her up, capturing grabbing hands and kissing her again. Just a moment passed in the kiss and the brunette was crying, her whole body shaking with emotion as she curled into Delphine's side. It was an almost inhuman sob that came from the woman that was grabbing at her body again, but more to pull her into a hug as she hid her face in the crook of Delphine's shoulder.
Delphine did the only thing she could do, which was to hold her, gently massaging circles into her back until the sobs disappeared, replaced by shuddering breaths.
"Why can't I stop loving you?"
Delphine closed her eyes at the words, brushing her lips against the woman's forehead.
"I try so hard to not love you, but I can't." Cosima shook her head. "You keep breaking my heart, but I can't live without you."
"I'm sorry, mon amour." Delphine felt her tears returning, stinging her eyes.
"Me too." Cosima whispers before she let herself fall asleep, still wrapped around the blonde.
Delphine waited for the woman's breath to even out before she let her own tears fall freely.